The Search

A lot of people spend a great portion of their life searching for the meaning of it. Why am I here? How did I get here? What happens once I die?

I was raised to believe in Christianity, a belief I have struggled with my entire life. I wasn’t brain washed or forced to believe anything, but when you are raised in a home that lives and makes decisions based on a specific belief, you can’t help but carry that with you. There was this part of me that firmly believed in certain aspects of it, and yet somewhere down the line, after reading and rereading the bible, it got lost in the swirl of “I just don’t feel anything” and “I just don’t believe it”.

I eventually came to terms with the fact that I just don’t believe the bible. I just don’t read it and see spiritual truth. But even so, I could never call myself an atheist, because there has always been a part of me that believed in the supernatural. Not in that superstitious way; I don’t freak out if I see a black cat, and I’m not afraid to walk under a ladder. But I do actually believe there are things science can’t explain, and that there are supernatural forces out there.

About a month ago I had a conversation with a Wiccan that stuck with me. So, over the past few weeks, I’ve spent some time digging into it. And something about it just clicks for me. I’m still reading and researching, but I’ve felt a lot more calm from the inside out since I’ve started. I feel more ambition, more energy, and more purpose.

There have been times I’ve felt that I’m going to spend my entire life searching, only to find the answers after I die, but now, for the first time, I feel like I’m on the right path.

I’m still searching, but now I have something concrete I can study, and that’s a start.

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “The Search

  1. Great post, I can relate to it. I believe 100% in God but I don’t feel I fit under any of the traditional beliefs and lifestyles. Nothing really resonates with me on that level that is explicitly religious. I hope you keep blogging about your journey.

  2. righteousbruin9

    I found Baha’i tells the truth and accepts that there is a grain of truth, at least, in all belief systems- including Wicca. Science and religion are meant to agree, and not denigrate each other by spreading half-truths and fantasies.

  3. jerusalemhill

    It is written, “If you seek Me with all your heart, you will find Me.” Leave no stone unturned in your search, Ket. Warms my heart to see you’re exploring spiritual truths, again, or still.

  4. unusualisbeautiful

    when one seeks the truth, it is found [: i can sooo relate with this, ket. my dad was the pastor of our VERY strict church (we were much like the Mennonites, in dress and belief in a lot of other areas, as well.) and as i grew up, i realized more and more that there always seemed to be more questions than answers. i left the church and moved out of my family’s house when i turned 17….talk about tumultuous times. even after going from one side (Christianity) to the other (not atheist, but close to it…), finding a middle is still not easy…but i’m closer now than I was 4 years ago [:

    you’ll figure it out, girlie. *hugs*

  5. Sam

    Just wanted to say I read this. I still love you, respect you, and think very highly of you. I treasure your friendship. As you know by now, I do believe the Bible, so I’m sure you can imagine my disappointment in what I read here. I do not trust the forces represented in Wicca and believe them to not be what they may seem, although many good hearted people follow it. Knowing this kind of thing can become very negative very quickly, I will say no more. And I have no intention whatsoever of this affecting my love and respect for you.

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