Things Kett May Not Do:
1) Kett may not eat KFC on the tube next to a hungry black man. (THAT’S RACIST!) Yeah yeah get off mah case. He was hungry. He was black. He wanted my KFC. He took my KFC.
2) When a man wearing a colourfully woven sack as pants walks by, and the man sitting next to Kett remarks to his friend “he must live comfortably”, Kett may not say “Or just trying to mask his boner”. Especially when both aforementioned men will be sitting next to her for another 40 minutes.
3) When four drunk boys from Uni board the tube with their krawatts tied around their foreheads, Kett must under no circumstances exclaim “thanks be to the golden dragon” once they get off. It isn’t proper. And people stare at you.
4) When the tube stops because of “human interference on the rails”, Kett may not exclaim “I TOLD him not to do it!” British do not find this humorous.
5) Kett may not eat doritos in the tube.
6) Kett may not open a can of soda in the tube.
7) Kett may not consume anything in the tube.
8) That includes her fingernails.
9) Kett may not fish the skittle out of her bra.
10) She may most definitely not eat it after fishing it out.
11) Kett may not lipsync to Nickelback, at any time, no matter how drunk her companions are.
1) When teenage boys ask to see boobs, Kett may not respond with “sweetheart most people pay to see these babes”. They will flip you off and then *switch*.
2) When man starts jerking off without warning, Kett may not respond by pointing and laughing “That’s all you’ve got?” *giggle snort*
3) When greasy fat nearly-naked Italian man sprawled on couch waves to camera, Kett may not exclaim “FATHER!”
4) When teenage boy holds up piece of paper saying “I am 11 inches”, Kett may not respond with “Impressive. I myself am 9.”
5) When man sees Kett and does the catholic crossing of self, Kett may not respond with the Carlton dance. He is not challenging Kett to a dance down.
6) Kett must not take advantage of or mock those of Turkish decent on chatroulette. Even when they ask if they may eat her pussack. It is also considered rude to wave a beanie bag in front of the camera and challenge them to eat it.
… of course Kett usually does these things anyway because she is bored and has a morbid sense of humour.