A lot of people spend a great portion of their life searching for the meaning of it. Why am I here? How did I get here? What happens once I die?
I was raised to believe in Christianity, a belief I have struggled with my entire life. I wasn’t brain washed or forced to believe anything, but when you are raised in a home that lives and makes decisions based on a specific belief, you can’t help but carry that with you. There was this part of me that firmly believed in certain aspects of it, and yet somewhere down the line, after reading and rereading the bible, it got lost in the swirl of “I just don’t feel anything” and “I just don’t believe it”.
I eventually came to terms with the fact that I just don’t believe the bible. I just don’t read it and see spiritual truth. But even so, I could never call myself an atheist, because there has always been a part of me that believed in the supernatural. Not in that superstitious way; I don’t freak out if I see a black cat, and I’m not afraid to walk under a ladder. But I do actually believe there are things science can’t explain, and that there are supernatural forces out there.
About a month ago I had a conversation with a Wiccan that stuck with me. So, over the past few weeks, I’ve spent some time digging into it. And something about it just clicks for me. I’m still reading and researching, but I’ve felt a lot more calm from the inside out since I’ve started. I feel more ambition, more energy, and more purpose.
There have been times I’ve felt that I’m going to spend my entire life searching, only to find the answers after I die, but now, for the first time, I feel like I’m on the right path.
I’m still searching, but now I have something concrete I can study, and that’s a start.